What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 05:47
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
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A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I will be 64.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
How did you as a human being change while growing up?
I couldn’t, believe it.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why is the world male-dominated?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
What habits do happy couples have?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
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He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was very sick at this time too.
So, i spoilt her more .
Have you ever been physically attacked by a demon?
As i do to all so called friends.?
But it wasn’t much.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
When British people write X after everything, are they being serious or trying not to be awkward?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
How do you get started in bestiality with a dog as a male?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And i lived it daily.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why do all the stupid people think Donald J. Trump is stupid?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why do women wear less clothes compared to men?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She was in good health!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Would this be the day?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I said to her
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I waited trembling.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
It was going to be , some day.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She married twice! .
All the time i was locked up.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One cannot live in the past .
Especially a lifetime of it.
We all went to grammer schools
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But, we were locked up after school.
What did i know ?
Why did i forgive my father ?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Put me off passion for life!!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Ive learnt so much.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Im still living with it.
This is soul school!.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I don,t even have a pension.
He knew the spot.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He resisted the act ,that day.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Comes on , in middle age.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I have no regrets .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She loved him until the end.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I write beautiful poetry .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She found it foreign!.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We were not on the streets..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Who then, do I blame.?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was 9 years of age.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My family never makes their pension either.
She wouldn,t have been !
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I think the readers, may guess!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was seconnd youngest,
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But ive been too sick for many years..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My life is so biszare .
When she asked me how she looked .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was scared of men, in general
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I never cut or harmed myself..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So whats the point in blame.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years